When I cook

When I cook, there is a method. It’s a tried and true method and I refuse to deviate.

The 2 major points in this method of mine?

1. Clean as you go

2. Follow the recipe when using one

Now the kitchen, as I’ve said before is MINE! You MAY be able to use it on the odd occasion, if I’m feeling particulalry bevevolent, but you WILL ask permission BEFORE you even touch one little thing in MY kitchen.

Bodily harm may be the outcome whould you be foolhardy enough to even attempt using MY kitchen before asking, and in fact there are still a few missing bodies from those silly enough to think I wouldn’t know.

Yes people, I KNOW when someone has been using MY kitchen. I come close to measuring the difference between the salt and pepper grinders on the bench. Do you really think I’m NOT going to know?

So. The first thing I do when I’m going to cook, is fill the kitchen sink with hot soapy water. Next in line is the oven if required. it will be lit and set to the desired temperature in order to be ready when it’s needed.

Having done this, the ingredients are next, all lined up on the bench, in whatever order they are required to be added. They look ever so cute, all lined up like little ducks. Does my little OCD heart good to see them so too.

If I’m required to do a mixture of spices, or the garlic and onion need to be sweated in a pan, they will be dutifully chopped, diced, sliced or whatever I need to do to them and they are then placed in a bowl. At this point the knife used will be washed and dried with ever the present tea towel on my shoulder. The board is also washed down and dried in case it’s needed again at a later point. The ingredients already used are put back where I got them from if it’s spices or minced garlic, perhaps ginger, or even sugar.

Please note, the bowl with said onions, garlic, ginger, whatever is needed, is put next to the stove in readiness for the cooking to begin. Why would you out it anywhere else? The stove is where you cook!

Any ingredients that need to be mixed are, and this bowl goes next to the other on the bench, beside the stove.

Once all ingredients that need preparation are done, the pan will be oiled and heated in rediness for the real fun.

Ingredients are added in the order whatever recipe I’m using dictates.

As bowls or plates are emptied they go straight into the sink in readiness to be washed. Little scrubbing once you’re done that way.

Once all is done and merrily simmering or baking or whatever, then you do the dishes. You wash, dry and put them away in the relevant place in the kitchen. There will NOT be one thing NOT as I found it, right down to the salt and pepper. Job done. Easy!

Now, there is a reason for the method. Recipes are created in a certain order. If that order wasn’t important, they’d all run one after the other as opposed to in a list or numbered would they not?

Why you would want to do it any other way is beyond me! It drives me NUTS when people are all over the place like a mad womans shit! Follow the damned method! It’s not frigging brain surgery. It’s A B C, 1 2 3…simple!

It’s like sport. If it wasn’t important, they wouldn’t keep score right?

Now. When I’m in the mood and ALLOW you to use MY kitchen, you WILL do it my way, or you WILL fuck of out of my kitchen.

This is NOT negotiable. This is MY kitchen, and you will do it MY way.

You have a problem with that? 2 options.

Go away

or

I have LOTS of sharp knives that I CAN and WILL use.

See. No arguments. Easy

It’s time

The time has come to give this blog a kick in the proverbial.

I’m can feel a cleaning frenzy coming on. MMMM….bleach, spray and wipe, rubber gloves, furniture polish…sounds like a fun time is to be had by all!

Stand by folks. The coffee is almost done, the bikkies are baking, the windows are open with a breeze blowing the cobwebs away, and before you know it, we’ll be regaling you with our tales of our OCD madness.

I had to do it

I couldn’t help myself.

There are many areas in Australia that have snow, but here in the tropics is NOT one of them! I don’t ordinarliy like snow, but I love these little bits as they float across the page.

So, for something different, I changed the theme to a dark one and activated the snow flakes. Most people who visit here are from the states, and it’s winter for you guys, so I thought it would help you feel more at home.

The bonus of these delightful little flakes, is they’re self cleaning! After January 2 they just stop!!

A self cleaning mess? What more could an anal little cleaner upper like me wish for I ask??? Hard to resist you’d have to agree…

Merry Christmas

To the few people who still come here, we wish you a very Merry Christmas.

May the blessings of the season visit your home and family, and Santa be extra good to you.

I think we’ll shut this down after the New Year. It would seem none of us have the time to maintain it, and I would rather delete it than see it fade into some type of blogging abyss, never to be seen again, as so many do. I never wanted that to happen and vowed it wouldn’t.

To the 4000 odd people who have been, and those who continue to come regardless of the lack of posts, our heart felt thanks. Your patience has been quite astounding.

Again, Merry Christmas to all of you.

Remember. Hold onto the thought of what you have and don’t lose sight of it in pursuit of what you think you need. Please spare a thought for those who have noone to spend their day with, or those away from loved ones. Somehow they may know you’ve given them a thought, and it could brighten their day just a little bit.

Germ collectors

I’m quite odd about some things. Many people would say I’m just odd, period, but that’s not quite accurate. Getting off track, sorry.

So. I’m not much into germs. I can handle untidy or messy, but cannot stomach dirty. The problem this creates for me is there are many germ collectors we come into contact with every day, but never think of them as such. We only see them as every day items provided for every day activities.

Here is but a short list:

Shopping trolleys:
How the hell do you know what type of person had it before you? Were they sick? Did they pick their nose immediately prior to grabbing the trolley? Perhaps they sneezed all over the handle? Did they wash their hands after going to the toilet? Did they wash their hands after jerking off the other half before they left the house?

Money: Have you ever looked at your hands after counting all that spare change you keep in a bowl or jar? I can just about guarantee they’ll be putrid! Can you imagine being a bank teller? It would be one of the few clerical jobs where you would need to wash your hands BEFORE you go to the toilet I’m thinking.

Magazines in the doctors waiting room: The next time you’re in the waiting room, look around and see how many people lick their finger or thumb before they turn the page! Given this is a place where sick people congregate, there is now way I’m EVER reading a magazine while I’m waiting to see the doctor.

Public toilet seats: Now, this a place we put one of the most sensitive parts of our bodies! Have you ever thought about the person who may have been sitting there before you? The diseases they could have? Not for nothing do we have those little antiseptic wipes on the wall of the cubicle. For pity’s sake, use them before you even think about sitting down! I’d hate to see you go for a pee and exit with some type of STD!!! Ok, you may not use a public toilet every day, but when you do it would be nice to survive and be able to tell the tale yes?

Public phones: Now I have a mobile phone, mostly for convenience and family, however NOT having to use a public phone is a bonus! Your mouth is where millions of germs thrive regardless of how hygienic you are, so please don’t think I’m suggesting otherwise ok? The mere THOUGHT of who used that phone before me is the stuff nightmares are made of! There are people who pick their nose and eat the resulting little ball of snot, as disgusting as that thought is. Do you really want to be the next person to put the receiver to your mouth?? I know I don’t.

These are but a few items/activities that most of us use/do almost every single day of our life. It’s a big, bad germy world out there let me say! Scary even!

I’m sure you can think of more to add?

First they binge, then we purge

As I sit here watching Bucket of Blood on TCM, I find myself reflecting on the day’s activities and find myself feeling damn smug.    Porque’ Observant, you may ask.  Why have you puffed yourself up to the size of larger-than-life Jack O’Lantern?  

 Because today I purged.

Ken has left town for the weekend and I spent my day reorganizing his crap.  His boxes and boxes of man-crap that were moved into the house over a year ago and have been hogging up space ever since.  Since my son will be moving back home in December, his old room needs to have the old kiddie wallpaper stripped and be repainted (or rewallpapered, depending on the condition of the plaster underneath).  His room is the room Ken moved all his thousands of boxes into 15 months ago, and that is where they’ve sat. 

So today I opened them up and reorganized them.  What was once 10 boxes is now 5.  And they all fit into the hall closet.

But the really exciting part was finding his paperwork.  The paperwork he could not bring himself to throw away when he was packing up to move in.  Yes, I’m talking about 10 years worth of phone bills and credit card statements and auto repair bills (for cars he no longer owns), Ten years of cancelled checks and bank statements and investment statements.  I dumped them all into two large trash bags.  Without his consent.

I was half terrified and half enraptured with myself!

And then I panicked.  What would happen when I told him?  Would this be the one thing he’d not be able to forgive me?   As a compromise, I did not put the trash bags in the trashcan; I left them in the house.  As a gesture of respect, I kept and reorganized his tax paperwork (even though he’ll never need those 1995 tax statements).   

A few hours later he called to say he’d gotten to his destination.  “Honey, I did something real bad” I said in a rush, hoping he wasn’t really listening.  “I got really really busy cleaning stuff up and I needed some room in the closet so I threw away your old receipts and stuff.   But I kept the trash bags for you and if you want I’ll put it all back.  Okay?”    I waited for him to respond.  Would this brazen act of OCDness send him over the edge? 

“Aw, it’s OK” he said.  “That stuff needed to be thrown out anyway.” 

It did?  Since when?  In the conversation I remembered, he explicitly nixed my idea of tossing the phone bills from 1999.  Ditto with the insurance statements from 2003.  I remember him practically snatching his precious files from my careless little hands and holding them close to his chest.  “No I’m keeping these” he said firmly.   The 8 expando files moved into my house, where they sat untouched for 15 months.  

This news that he’d finally “let go” of his paperwork indicated real progress!  

I’m holding out hope that my hoarder-in-residence will see the light and embrace the concept of minimalism I find so comforting.  Maybe someday we’ll go down to the basement together, where the rest of his really important stuff resides, and do some purging as a couple.  And perhaps, while we purge, we can listen to the cassette tape of Hot Christian Favorites I found in his other stuff today.   We’ll groove to the sounds of Change Your Ways while I give him a knowing smile, appreciating the double meaning of the tune, given the circumstances. 

Well, I can dream, can’t I?

Get the boy some help..PLEASE!!!

To the person who continually ends up here because “my son sniffs my panties”, get the boy some help for fucks sake!!

He’s more than likely to end up some twisted, perverted sex monster than an OCD!!

We don’t give a damn about what he does in his own time, but keep the hell away from here. I will repeat so you are in NO doubt about what I mean….

GO AWAY!!!

Talk Much??

I’ve noticed recently a new quirk. I guess the quirk itself isn’t new, but it’s become more prominent. And I only do it when I’m alone, either in my car or at my house. THANK GOD FOR THIS! If i’m at someone’s house or have people over, I can leave the room if I have to. It hasn’t gotten THAT bad yet though. And I mean yet.

It will start with a thought. Sometimes the thought is a completely rational thought, other times it makes no freaking sense at all, and sometimes it’s sing-songy (WTF?). And I’ll think it, and think it, and think it.

Finally, the thought will start getting on my nerves because it will keep crawling back in. The thoughts are generally a sentence or two and that’s it.

The only way to get the thought out of my head is to say it out loud. So, picture me, wandering around the house or driving down the road, randomly spitting out one or two sentence thoughts that sometimes make no fucking sense. Like none. Or worse yet, singing a sentence or two that is obviously not meant to be sung.

My cat must think i’m just a riot!

Man, I’m fucked up Thank God it’s me though, because I don’t think anyone else could handle being me as well as I do. Woo Hoo!

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I hate that!

There many little things that upset/annoy/niggle me. I won’t list them all otherwise I’ll still be here at midnight, so I’ll only list the main ones:

Crumbs. Why, why oh why can people not wipe them up??? Rocket science it is not people!

Throwing a towel over the rail rather than folding and placing it. Don’t they know the edges NEED to be level?

Not rinsing a teaspoon and/or coffee cup, and putting in the drainer. Perhaps I should make them lick it clean once it goes all sticky and feral?

Dropping dirty clothes on the floor. They’d be in for a shock in my house when I tell them I wash in the laundry not the bedroom wouldn’t they? Particularly when they find they have no clean clothes!

Rings on the coffee table due to lack of using a coaster. Again, maybe I should make them lick it clean once it’s hard and crusty?

Leaving the keyboard drawer out after using the computer. Don’t they realise a person could crack a bone on that sharp edge? I’m here to tell you if I crack one of my bones because of your inability to roll a drawer in, I’m cracking more than one of yours, that I promise you!!

Not putting the X Box controller back where they found it. If they can manage to find it in there, surely it’s quite a simple exercise to reverse the process. Again, rocket science it is not!

Now you may ask why it is, these have been singled out?

Because in the last week (with the exception of the dirty washing one) each and every one of them has occurred in this house. Some have been MSO, others have been visitors.

The world is going mad and I’m a close 2nd I tell you! Perhaps a full moon is near? I’m off to check the calendar

Party poooper?

So I survived a birthday slumber party with several eight and nine year old little girls over this past weekend. Let me just say first off, I quit smoking in January and have rarely craved a shmoke. I dearly wanted one at 6AM this morning as they woke me up screaming and running through the house.

I knew that the girls would be in and out, in and out all day/night long so I didn’t make the house spotless before they came over. Yeah, it was clean. But, it coulda been cleaner, and I wasn’t too afraid knowing that my floors weren’t mopped, and the child’s room wasn’t spotless, and so on. I knew that once they left, I’d have the opportunity to fix and clean everything.

And I didn’t set any rules. No, I didn’t want to throw a bunch of rules at the girls, and expect them to actually listen. I didn’t want to sound like an old, biddy so I let them do what they wanted. Oh my freaking gosh . . . a mad house, I was in a freaking mad house.

I was literally going, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG .. ! Oh – My – FREAKING – Gosh! Look at my floor! Look at my couch! Look at my kitchen! Oh my poor poor kitchen!!! Don’t worry cabinets, they won’t slam you shut much longer. No, they’re parents will pick them up soon. Oh, ‘fridgerator, don’t cry. The spilled milk on your shelves can be cleaned up. Oh there, there .. let me get it!

I cringed. And I cussed under my breath. I held my breath. I looked away, and covered my eyes. I peeked through my fingers and saw them pillow fighting with my couch cushions, and I was like ohhhh myyyy freeeeaking goshhhh!!

I finally got them all to settle down and eat some breakfast. Cake and ice cream for breakfast, all around! I sugared them up and sent their little butts home. And then I got to cleaning! And I cleaned. And I smiled. And I loved every minute of it.