When I cook

When I cook, there is a method. It’s a tried and true method and I refuse to deviate.

The 2 major points in this method of mine?

1. Clean as you go

2. Follow the recipe when using one

Now the kitchen, as I’ve said before is MINE! You MAY be able to use it on the odd occasion, if I’m feeling particulalry bevevolent, but you WILL ask permission BEFORE you even touch one little thing in MY kitchen.

Bodily harm may be the outcome whould you be foolhardy enough to even attempt using MY kitchen before asking, and in fact there are still a few missing bodies from those silly enough to think I wouldn’t know.

Yes people, I KNOW when someone has been using MY kitchen. I come close to measuring the difference between the salt and pepper grinders on the bench. Do you really think I’m NOT going to know?

So. The first thing I do when I’m going to cook, is fill the kitchen sink with hot soapy water. Next in line is the oven if required. it will be lit and set to the desired temperature in order to be ready when it’s needed.

Having done this, the ingredients are next, all lined up on the bench, in whatever order they are required to be added. They look ever so cute, all lined up like little ducks. Does my little OCD heart good to see them so too.

If I’m required to do a mixture of spices, or the garlic and onion need to be sweated in a pan, they will be dutifully chopped, diced, sliced or whatever I need to do to them and they are then placed in a bowl. At this point the knife used will be washed and dried with ever the present tea towel on my shoulder. The board is also washed down and dried in case it’s needed again at a later point. The ingredients already used are put back where I got them from if it’s spices or minced garlic, perhaps ginger, or even sugar.

Please note, the bowl with said onions, garlic, ginger, whatever is needed, is put next to the stove in readiness for the cooking to begin. Why would you out it anywhere else? The stove is where you cook!

Any ingredients that need to be mixed are, and this bowl goes next to the other on the bench, beside the stove.

Once all ingredients that need preparation are done, the pan will be oiled and heated in rediness for the real fun.

Ingredients are added in the order whatever recipe I’m using dictates.

As bowls or plates are emptied they go straight into the sink in readiness to be washed. Little scrubbing once you’re done that way.

Once all is done and merrily simmering or baking or whatever, then you do the dishes. You wash, dry and put them away in the relevant place in the kitchen. There will NOT be one thing NOT as I found it, right down to the salt and pepper. Job done. Easy!

Now, there is a reason for the method. Recipes are created in a certain order. If that order wasn’t important, they’d all run one after the other as opposed to in a list or numbered would they not?

Why you would want to do it any other way is beyond me! It drives me NUTS when people are all over the place like a mad womans shit! Follow the damned method! It’s not frigging brain surgery. It’s A B C, 1 2 3…simple!

It’s like sport. If it wasn’t important, they wouldn’t keep score right?

Now. When I’m in the mood and ALLOW you to use MY kitchen, you WILL do it my way, or you WILL fuck of out of my kitchen.

This is NOT negotiable. This is MY kitchen, and you will do it MY way.

You have a problem with that? 2 options.

Go away

or

I have LOTS of sharp knives that I CAN and WILL use.

See. No arguments. Easy